The beauty of silence

"You're weird you know... You seemed to be so attracted to dark things... You love creepy, weird, scary, dark and haunted things." ------That's what they say. Well, I do. I just love things that most people are scared of. In fact, I hate things that most people love. Like, for example, Justin Bieber, Twilight, and whatever it is that is trending. Sorry for that though. When everyone seemed to love one thing, I feel like there's no space for me.

Okay, enough with it. Hmm... funny, when you wanna cry, but not a single tears wants to drop. Trust me, it hurts to cry silently behind the sweetest smile you could afford. I'd rather screamed to the heaviest tears I could give out than being this way. Unsure, puzzled, pretending, believing, discouraged, trusting, caring, ignored, lying, worrying, holding back and everything! I wonder am I the only one? It's funny that things like this cannot be shared. Not even to your closest one.

"It's stupid that I had chose to carry this load", my rational mind told me. But, I guess, this is my cross. It's funny that what burdens me is not my problem but actually its others. I guess that's what God is trying to teach me. What it's like to carry the cross. Like really carrying it wholeheartedly. Love is the fuel in this journey. And its not really a roller coaster journey. You think its that easy to make sacrifice? That's my theme for this year though. Nope, it's not. It's full of hurts, rejection, and bruises everywhere. But it doesn't feat with what Jesus had done to us of course. And I'm glad that I get what God is trying to teach me earlier. I don't hate this all of course. Though its hurting, but its beautiful. Those who never tried to understand will never see the beauty of it. The world saw it as crazy but God, He knows it all. He knows the mean of your heart and is always ready for you whenever you need Him. "Ask.. and ye shall receive..." , He promised.

Anyway, my mum called me vampire for some reason... Not because I like vampire...No no.. My elder sister called me weird... My brother called me crazy... All because I like scary things. I love to stay in the dark. Curtains closed, silence... Just me, myself and I. Why am I like this? Well... I love to seek solitaire on certain times. It doesn't really mean I hate being with people, I do love to socialize a lot, but, there are time where I don't wanna be disturbed at all. Not even with the sound of music. The feelings of just you yourself... staring blankly into space.. and you let your thoughts take you wherever it wants until you drift away... Getting lighter and lighter and finally sleep.... The best feeling.

I remember once when I walk at dawn, in the dark.. alone, listening to piano tracks... walking slowly... watching the stars... And felt the cool breeze against my skin. Hmm.... How I love to stay forever like that. There are times where I wish I could just vanish into space... I feel like I wanna leave the world the moment I have the chance to. But then, I need to get back home before any soul starts to get worried. I always get people worried. Then, get back to the mad world I'm in.

Words of strength

Fear no one except the Lord Himself.

Serve His mission faithfully with all your being.

Open your eyes to all that is good.

It surrounds you.

Be gracious of your appreciation of these gifts.

What a beautiful world in which you live!