I can't get you off my mind!

This evening, I tried so hard to find peace. Listening to music and let the lyrics speaks to me. Suddenly, I was filled with hatred, and jealousy. Stupid.... I thought. But true.... I just can't get you off my mind!!! There's no words that can express what I'm feeling nor what exactly I am thinking. You know, being in a dilemma of believing and denying and also, balancing wasn't really an easy task. Damn, I don't even know what's easy anymore. Everything is tumbling down and is pressing me to the limit until finally all that I can do is that to stand in silence doing exactly nothing. Because the more I tried to fix it, the worse it become. My fight seems endless.

This evening, my mum said to me that I've changed. I know.... Sometimes, I tried to think that its okay actually but now, I don't think so. I really, really need to change. The thing is, I don't know how... I remember what my best friend had told me once, you have a choice.... The solution is there. I just need to be able to cross my heart and let go.

I trust my best friend so much. She used to know about everything but now, we had decided to put limits to our talks for some reasons. Anyway, I hate to talk to her about my current... should I say problems? whatever it is, she just hate at the mention of his name. Its because she knows perfectly well that its not right. I don't like her when she speaks about this because deep inside, I know she's right. The last thing that she said was that, "...He's happy and you're not.." Ohh.. that hurts. She was right... Damn... she is always right all this while and that's what makes me hate it.

I felt.... Insecure? LoL. It's funny because there's no reason for me to care but I just did. I just did and that's the stupid part!!! Arrrggggghhhhh.........


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That's it. This should be the last. No more about him in here and I dare to take this vow. 

Be inspired...

Look at the bigger picture.

Step back, and cease micro analysis that does not serve.

In looking at the bigger picture, it will look

much better.