I can't get you off my mind!

This evening, I tried so hard to find peace. Listening to music and let the lyrics speaks to me. Suddenly, I was filled with hatred, and jealousy. Stupid.... I thought. But true.... I just can't get you off my mind!!! There's no words that can express what I'm feeling nor what exactly I am thinking. You know, being in a dilemma of believing and denying and also, balancing wasn't really an easy task. Damn, I don't even know what's easy anymore. Everything is tumbling down and is pressing me to the limit until finally all that I can do is that to stand in silence doing exactly nothing. Because the more I tried to fix it, the worse it become. My fight seems endless.

This evening, my mum said to me that I've changed. I know.... Sometimes, I tried to think that its okay actually but now, I don't think so. I really, really need to change. The thing is, I don't know how... I remember what my best friend had told me once, you have a choice.... The solution is there. I just need to be able to cross my heart and let go.

I trust my best friend so much. She used to know about everything but now, we had decided to put limits to our talks for some reasons. Anyway, I hate to talk to her about my current... should I say problems? whatever it is, she just hate at the mention of his name. Its because she knows perfectly well that its not right. I don't like her when she speaks about this because deep inside, I know she's right. The last thing that she said was that, "...He's happy and you're not.." Ohh.. that hurts. She was right... Damn... she is always right all this while and that's what makes me hate it.

I felt.... Insecure? LoL. It's funny because there's no reason for me to care but I just did. I just did and that's the stupid part!!! Arrrggggghhhhh.........


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


That's it. This should be the last. No more about him in here and I dare to take this vow. 

Be inspired...

Look at the bigger picture.

Step back, and cease micro analysis that does not serve.

In looking at the bigger picture, it will look

much better.

Changing and the idea of LOVE

Hello people! How was life lately? Ohh... gosh... how I miss sharing my thought with you all. I abandoned my blog mainly because, well... same thing same excuses, busy. The second reason is that, lately I think my brain froze like an ice that is under -100 degree Celsius if you can imagine how solid that is.

Again, when I'm here, there's got to be something going on that's making me wanna share what's on my mind. Lately, I just can't think of anything. Well, I can think, but I just can't make out of it. There's so much going on and it took like forever to sort everything's out. Truthfully, my life this year had unexpectedly turned out to be, should I say, awesome? Yeahh... I tried so many new things and I'm breaking all my rules! Well, 16 people, I just don't know what's got into me.

Anyway, overall, everything is incredible except for one thing. True, just because one single drop of an ink, a whole jar of milk screwed. But yet, I am happy and very contented with my current life. It's fun opening all these doors that leads me to another side of life that I never think of to go. But yet, I made a mistake. I forgot, that once, I have opened one of these doors but closed it back. Locked it and promised that I'll never ever gonna opened it until I'm off for real thing. And it is a door that had a label, "IN RELATIONSHIP".

For the record, I broke a heart once. And now, I'm stupidly letting the history to repeat itself. I'm so stupid. I know I'm not ready, but I accept him. It's not that I don't love the guy, but I'm just not serious to commit in this relationship. And its making me feel bad every time.

I don't know what I'm doing. Honestly, I don't know me anymore. With breaking all my rules (though I enjoyed it), I forgot what a girl I used to be. I forgot 'Who I Am' anymore. I'm drowned with all these joy. I've forgotten that no matter what, I'm still gonna be me. That girl who take life as a serious matter and not just a roller coaster ride. A girl with a big dream and goal to achieve in her life. I tried to be a lousy girl that says "WHATEVER" to problems, but yet, I realized, I can't change that PRACTICAL personality that I possessed. I'm too aware to act stupid or be stupid. I tried to, because it does looked fun (well... teenager minds), but NO! I can't change anything about me without feeling bad doing it. I can't remove that ambitious, ego, "FIRST THINGS FIRST" and "PERFECTION's PRIORITY" kind of girl out of me. A girl that cares about one's feelings like a  fragile glass. And looked after everything and make sure that everything is going on perfectly as she wished. A girl that has her own stance and do things on her own way and make it awesome.

Without realizing it, I'm corroding my self to get something that doesn't mean anything for my age. And that is what's been popularly called puppy love or young love. Whatever it is, the idea used to be stupid in my point of view. And it still does until now. I mean, at this age? What use is it to commit into a relationship with someone where you are still blurred whether you wanna marry the person or not. Or worse! You don't want to. Just looking for experiences. Just so that, you are not single. Duhh... again, its such a stupid idea. That's the problem with the people nowadays. They have a whole stupid idea about love. I guess they forgot, that God labelled LOVE as something Holy. And when it does, it means, you can't play with it unless you really want something out from it. You don't make love as something to be used so that you own the person or to protect your reputation or as an experiment substance. If you really like the person, or think that you love the person, you don't have to be in a relationship to save that feelings. Just enjoyed it and don't get hooked. By this, you can also save yourself from misusing the Holy gift of God and that is LOVE.

Anyway, what happened to me now, its all because of love. I'm one of those people who can't divide their emotions with life. I've been strong for too long but last year, all my walls are falling apart when I fell in love with this one guy. Which is, a mistake that I can't avoid. I don't know what voodoo potion he drank (Just kidding) until I became so weak that starting from that moments, I let love emotions to dominate my life. I tried to get over it so hard and because of that, I started to try new things. I became more social. Its seems like I'm trying to prove something to someone but I don't know what it is and to whom. I became very stupid and I let my self to be. Then, from that, it leads to another story, then to another, then another and finally, the end product is, here I am, LIKE CRAP. I felt so low. I used to be proud and value my self so much but now? I felt like nothing but a crap. Maybe I should just said to my self, "Ahh... whatever. Relax girl..". Well, I've said that a lot and see what I am now. Maybe, that kind of what they said, 'COMFORTING' words, may work for a lot of people, but that's just not the way my life worked.

And now, all I can say is that, I'm determined to make things right. Well, I can't live knowing that something in my life isn't working perfectly. Well, call me, Ms. Perfect or Ms. Fussy, 'cause, that's just me. The good thing is, I know now, what I want and most importantly, what I am. Maybe, all of this, is just part of the journey, the quest of finding my identity.

Inspirational words

Pace yourself.

Life should not be like a marathon

That we rush to finish.

It is a journey, a pilgrimage of sorts

and the finish line will never be reached.

Consider life to be more like a relay race.

As we pass through on this life and on to the next

it is like passing a baton or torch to the next generation.

We will then go to our final rest knowing

that we participated grandly and that

our contribution to the world

was worthy.

Thank You (Cover~Dedication For My Special One)

I know I'm not that talented to show off to the world, but I have shown a lot of pictures, and crappy videos of me. But I forgot, to give glory back to HIM who had created me the way I am. I might be not that much, but at least, I'm capable of a lot of things. Thanks to HIM. My success and what I have, I wouldn't have it all if it weren't because of Him. Truthfully, I am nothing without JESUS. I am empty and useless and hopeless without HIM. He saved me in many ways and give me a lot more than I needed. I ask for one, He give me ten. His help always come just in time. I couldn't count of how many miracles He had done for me. He died for me on the cross. But He was risen on the third day because He was the Messiah. I know and I believed that He is the true and living God. I'm not saying this simply by lips, but by truth and I've been through many unexplained experiences with Him. Step by step, He guide me and thought me. He raised me up when I'm down, and He never failed me. So, with all my heart, I sing to HIM...

"There is no one like YOU

There is no ONE like YOU God

All my hope is in YOU

Jesus.. Jesus.."

-Have a Blessed Good Friday-

Words of strength

Hope will turn the cold into warmth

Your weakness into strength

And your sadness into joy

Life

"Life is full of ups and downs
And life ain't always what it sounds
Just when you think you got it down
The moment you realize
You've just lost ground

Life ain't always what it seems
And ain't always what you hoped
And dreamed
And some people you met
They can kill your dreams
I don't understand why
They are so mean?

That's why sometimes
I play my guitar
And just sing away
And play away
Until my problems
Come tumbling down

Life ain't perfect
But it is still worth it
Don't throw your life away
It'll be a better day
And everyday I pray
And I got to say
That life is just so beautiful today

Life is full of
The good and the bad
And sometimes
It'll make you go mad
And you don't understand
Why it happened
Or things happen
The way they do
It's alright if you don't know
Trust God
It'll work out

And sometimes
I just wanna scream
It's alright to shout your claim
And let the world know 
What's your name

When our dreams
Is starting to sink
Like the Titanic
Don't panic
You can't stand it
But He'll stand it..."


-Put God First-

I fall in love with this song

What are the causes of juvenile delinquency?

p.s This was actually my school assignment. We were asked to write an article on "What are the causes of Juvenile Delinquency" for our school magazine.

WHAT CAUSES 

JUVENILE

DELINQUENCY?

Hello readers! How was your day lately? Busy? Stressed out? I guess that's why you chose to read awhile to calm your mind and relax. Meanwhile, let's look over nowadays issues. In today's society, it's not a surprise anymore to hear news such as '..10 years old kid kills both of his parents..' or '..17 years old kid were one of the bank robbers gang..' and many more. It's just getting worst and worst day by day. Before we're getting further, do you even know what is juvenile delinquency? Juvenile means criminal cases involving students below the age of 18 while delinquency refers to behavior such as rebelling, obligating, offending, or negligence. Juvenile cases could be heavy crimes such as murder, robbing, rape and so on. Scary isn't it? To know that kids in our age, as young as 18 and below could do such things. But that's the fact. In this modern age, kids or adults are no different from each other. Each and every person could be unexpected and cruel. Therefore, it is very hard to trust people nowadays. Agree?

Anyway, let's get back to the topic. What causes juvenile delinquency? Are you one of those who are worried and been wondering what are the factors that causes all this? Many believed that working parents are the major factor. This is because many researches had reported that most of the juveniles came from a family where both of their parents were a full time workers. This become a problem when parents didn't gave enough attention and affection for their kids for they were always busy with their careers. As a results, kids looked for attention and affection on the outside world. True, it is not wrong for parents to work their limit to looked for moneys to support the family, it's their major responsibilities. But what about love and affection? Take note that material can't buy a soul. We all need love! In this case, parents should learn and know how to balance their time with their family and careers in order to create a balance being while shaping their kids.

Peer pressure is also another famous factor that causes juvenile delinquency. We all know that friends has a large portion in our lives as a teenagers. It's like teenagers couldn't live a day without a friend by their side. Agree? Or maybe we can, but we just don't want to, right? This is because, we all believed that, 'No friends makes you bad'. We just couldn't take it living as a person that was isolated. We all hate isolation and bullies! Agree? However, some students manage to take it easy. True, we all need friends. But we need to care too who and what kind of friends we are choosing. Because, when you chose a wrong friend, instead of being protected and self secure, you could get screwed instead. This is because, a wrong friend may push you to do wrong things and threat you when don't want to do it. Anyway, we always do what our friends is doing right? We are models to each others. So when one of us smoke, chances that another 10 friends is doing the same within the next day is very big. We all should avoid this! We, as a teenagers and students have responsibilities to maintain a high standard of moralities and inspire each others not ruining our young lives. Always be reminded that we are the backbones of our own country and are the next generation rulers.

Another popular factors are the mass media. This is what I agree the most. Mass media has the biggest influence in our lives. Agree? Everyday, it's almost impossible if a teen didn't face the computers and web browsing or watching televisions. Day by day, it starting to becoming more vital in our lives. It has many good qualities, yes, but, we can't also deny the bad side of it. Many of the media content nowadays portrayed violence and improper images. No doubt, it has a big impact on the societies especially to teenagers. We all have idols aren't we? Idols inspires us and usually, we tend to imitate them. So when they smoke, and it looked cool to us, we might follow their footsteps. In order to avoid this, the mass media content should be filtered properly and proper actions should be taken unto those who are responsible in this.

In conclusions, it's everyone's responsibilities to prevent juvenile delinquency from getting worst. We should stop pointing unto each others of who is responsible and start to make steps in order to reduce this problem.

Why we must take care of our health

Greetings planet! I didn't use good day for it was a bad day for me. I didn't go to school today because my health is getting worse. And when I say worse it means real worse! worse like I would throw up with only just one cough! I really don't want to miss school because today's subject were all very important ones and real hard too. I don't wanna be left-out!

Anyway, back to the topic. First, let me tell you what push me to post this. I'm one of those kind of people who didn't put health as their priority in lives. I'm a workaholic. When it gets to work, the only thing that's on my mind is that, "Oh.. I have to finish this!". It doesn't matter what time I have my meal and sleep. But not a full time actually. I'm a kind of lazy person too. I'm More like the kind who just don't like to sit tight or lay all day unless I got no other options. If can, in every second of my life, I want to do something. May it be, hanging out, watching movies, talking, anything as long I'm not doing nothing.

The good thing about me is that, you can bring me to enjoy any kinds of activities. May it be outdoor activities(rough one) or indoor activities. The bad thing is, I will do it all without really considering my body stats. For example, you bring me to hike somewhere and I feel very tired for I just got home, yet, I would still follow you. Or maybe I was sick, I don't care cause my motto is, 'As long as I can stand, lets rock it!'. The only thing that matters is my will. When I want it to be that way, I'll work it to the limit to be the way I want it to be. When I say that I will finish all my homework within one day! Wooh... we got so many homework I tell you. Soooo many!!!! Too many that it would take more than 8 hours for one day homework to finish. So when you decided to finish it all, sometimes you will not sleep until the next morning and start off for school. Without sleep! Let me tell you my routine, usually, during school days, first thing I do is, I go to school. Then after school, often I got another activities, appointments, practice, or meeting. I would be home late nearly everyday. Then, I would always have something to do at home. After that, I'll start doing my homework until 3 a.m or more and sleep for like 2 hours or less. And the cycle goes on and on. I'm not complaining. I don't care cause I enjoy it all. But the thing is, my meal is not in order and my sleep cycle is abnormal. Though it's not a trouble for me to sleep for 3 to 2 hours everyday because I'm used to it I think but everyone can tell without a book that it's not healthy at all! And I'm sure that most of teenagers life nowadays are like this. Moreover the adults! Right?

At first, its okay to me and it never really even matters because my thought is, 'If I got sick, there's always the Hospital..:)'. The last hope. Not until today when I started to realize of how important it really is to take care of our body. My sickness start off with sneezing non stop and it happened last week. Soon, flu came in followed by fever. A weird one because the fever come and go. And this what makes it worse, when a flu hit, asthma would eventually follow up. Yet, through all this sicknesses, I still do all my routines as usual. Finally, last Saturday, I decided to go to a local Clinic because that morning, my mucus got blood. Plus, it's hard for me to breath! Well, here comes the asthma!!! (=.=") Anyway, usually, after drinking their medicine, I would started to get well but this time, it doesn't. At first, I think that maybe the medicine works slowly this time. I would be okay after I go to sleep. But apparently, I was wrong! On Sunday, I decided to be a cow, the most laziest person in the planet. It was under many people's advice's. They say that I need a lot of rest. This time, I decided to listen to their advice's. Fine, I'll sleep all day! But yesterday evening, when I woke up at 5.30 p.m I feel so breathless! My chest felt so tight! I lay down, trying to control my breath. Trying hard to relax. Soon, I felt choked up! My vision was starting to went black. I swear I'm dead by now if don't decide to do something. I don't know why my spirit felt so weak that time. Not the usual me. I think that I just wanna give in. I'd die.... suddenly! And luckily, my phone rang. It was a text message. Then my spirit started to raise. I remember all my beloved friends and families, I remember all that I'm yet to achieved. I gather all my strength and grabbed my cellphone and reply the text. I get up, drink some milo with bread and read an article that a dear friend of mine slipped under the door. But yet, I can't breath properly! Even as I read, my vision would sometimes went black. After I read it all, I lay back on my bed. Closing my eyes... I'm choked... I didn't breath... I think I'd die... Things started to went black... But I decided that I'm gonna do something! I get up, and decided to go to the Hospital, for good. I hate Hospital. I'm glad it's there but I don't like it. To me, Hospital is when you are going to die. When I arrived, I go straight to the emergency section and they quickly put up the oxygen on me. Great.... Now I do looked like I'm gonna die! After that, the Doctor checked me, weird.. no effect. Then he decided to put me to the oxygen again. 2nd round and no effect! Then, he inject something into my nerves and waited for 30 minutes then put me with the oxygen again and still, no effect at all ! That's how worse I was. Then the Doctor decided to run me into some tests and a nurse x-ray'ed me. Mysteriously, my lungs were all fine except for my backbones. Well, I don't wanna talk about it. My backbones are fine, but there's just something.

Anyway, why we must take of our health?


Well... firstly because we got only one body!
Unlike machine, once its broken down, we can still fix it. But our body? Once its broken down, then you're screwed for life!

Secondly, it affect the people around us...
Have you ever wondered of how much people around you loved you? Well... you might not realized it but its true! Especially your family. More over, when you got sick, it will burdened your family, physically, emotionally, and of course, financially. Just one you, could affect hundreds of people, can you believe that? You might don't care about yourself, like me. I'm not really scared to die so I guess that's why I don't really care about my health. But last night, I was touched by some of my friends and family members. How they are willing to come to the Hospital to see me no matter how far. How they are willing to not to sleep to take care of me. Some were dead worried. I don't know whether they are really worried and care or just acting worried and caring..:P But for sure, I'm sure they're sincere. 'Cause well, I don't have anything to give them other than my love. That's why, no matter how dying I feel, as long as I can smile and laugh, I'd do it for them. I felt real guilty when people are worried about me. Sometimes I'd say, "Why are you so worried? I'm not gonna die! LOL!" and then people would start slapping my mouth. last night, the Doctors said, "Please leave your phone, you'll need to rest." I said, "NO, I can't. I have to tell them that I'm fine. By the way, I am fine." and smiled. The Doctor said, "And you still can smile? Aren't you worried? Don't you see how worse you are right now?". I said, "Well, let my physical be sick, but not my soul. After all, I still can stand aren't I? And that means I'm still not gonna die tonight. So I don't want anyone to did not sleep tonight and fuse over me. Anyway, I trust in you Doctor." and smiled.

But aren't you feel bad when 10 people can't sleep just because of 1 you? Especially to parents out there! No matter how hard you worked for the family, please look after your health. Money would lose, yes, but they can be regained. But you? Once they lose you, then there can never be you again.

Word of strength

Sometimes, life takes you on a detour.

Use these times to see things you would have missed

had you remained on your planned route.

You may find it to be among the best

parts of your journey.

What is the purpose of life?

Recently, I've been wondering, what is the purpose of life? Is it merely to just to enjoy everything? To be successful and well known to the entire face of the earth? Some say "To Live Is to Love". Really? Is it all about love?

Everyone has a vary perspective on life. Some agree with that and some argue with this. That's human... sometimes even the simplest thing in the world could cause issues just because the differences of perspectives. Why did this happen? It happen because we all wanted to be listened not listening. Once, people invent the motto, "Voice out" to encourage people to speak their ideas. But the mistake is, when everyone is speaking, then who will listen?

Okay, get back to the topic, what is the purpose of life? We all understands that life has to be meaningful. Something that couldn't be wasted and something that only can we have once. It's something that couldn't be revised.

I'd like to believe that, human is the most lucky living creature in the entire universe. Why? Because, only human was given a chance by God to choose. To think on their own and to make decisions. Jesus died on the cross for human sins not cat's sins. Human is the only creature that is given a chance to repent. We sinned a lot of times but still be forgiven when we repent. How lucky we are?

I believe that we live to learn something. There's something from within that we are yet to learn. Something meaningful. I also believe that it's different for each person. I imagined life as an exam or a treasure hunt where we, human, are searching here and there, up and down for the light of the truth. Some succeed, some stumbled in the middle. It's a dark maze, messy, twisty, and rough. Some succeed and win the battle because of faith while the others fail themselves.

I still think that I'm lost. But I already got someone walking beside me telling me where I should go and that person is Jesus. "have faith in Him and you shall find the way.."

Sincerely.....

"If the hero never comes to you

If you need someone you're feeling blue

If you're away from love and you're alone

If you call your friends and nobody's home

You can run away but you can't hide

Through a storm and a lonely night

Then I show there's a destiny

The best things in life

They're free...

But if you wanna cry

Cry on my shoulder

If you need someone who cares for you

If you're feeling sad your heart gets colder

I'll show you what real love can do

If your sky is grey..

Let me know...

There's a place in heaven where we'll go

If heaven is a million years away

Just call me and I make your day

When the nights are getting cold and blue

When the days are getting hard for you

I will always stay here by your side

I promise you I'll never hide..."

A weird nightmare

Last night I had a weird dream. Eh, it wasn't last night.. hehe... it was yesterday night actually. It was pretty vivid but it wasn't a lucid dream. Anyways, it started like this...


I found myself was walking on the house compound. I looked at the house, its a wooden house. It was big like a bungalow. I looked around, the compound was breathtaking. There were flowers everywhere. Roses, orchids, tulips, all in different colors. I looked at my self, I looked slightly different. I touched my hair, they also felt different. I don't know why but all I know is that I want to water the flowers.

With a slow pace, I get to the side of the house to get a hose. I turned it on, and started watering everything. Hahh... it's what I always wanna do... I feel so peaceful inside. But there's something, I feel a bit, slightly heartbroken. Its like something was not right. I looked around, all the flowers.... the mountains... the sky... the house... what could go wrong?

It was dusk. The twilight hit the house with a wonderful and very peaceful light. I walked towards the house, all I know is that, I own that house. The weird thing is, half of me felt happy with what I've accomplished. Its like what I have now is a dream coming true. But yet, half of me felt heavy as I walked. Something's missing.

I looked up before I entered the house. I saw a man in his late thirties at the balcony. He wasn't really that handsome, but he has a figure. He wasn't muscular, not fat, just normal. It was weird, when a girl like me, 15, looking at a guy at this age, the first thought would be, he must be my uncle. But this is different, I felt a deep love with this man. A romantic kind of love. Eww? Haha... to me that time, it wasn't. But when I wake up, YES! LOL. Anyway, in me, there's something. Something that's not good. Hate? No, not really. Heartbroken? I'm not sure. He looked at me, a cold look.

I get into the house, heading upstairs, to my room. When I get to the upper floor, the man I saw on the balcony walked into the house. He walked past me, I felt a really deep love for the guy, in fact, I feel like hugging him! Chill out girls, it wasn't Vin Diesel.. haha..But yet, its different, he's cold. The way he looked at me, I know he loves me too, but he too, felt cold with me. It's like we've just been into a fight. A heavy one but not physical of course. Anyway, he was heading downstairs. Kitchen probably.

I walked inside my room, it was pretty big, a master bedroom with king size bed. The room looked a lot like a first class hotel. I started for the wardrobe, took a robe and head for the shower. Inside the shower, I kept thinking, who's the guy? What had happened? And why am I even here? Suddenly, snap! I know that I was dreaming! Yeah... Its time to make some magic. But no, this time its different. I don't feel like I want to have a lucid dream. I don't want to change the guy into Vin Diesel, change the scene into a wonderful romantic waterfall or anything. I know that I was dreaming but since everything felt so real, I decided to continue the weirdness of it. Cause it felt so right, but yet so wrong. LOL. Anyway, I was determined to make things right with the guy. I felt a very deep connection with him.

I looked into the giant mirror inside my wardrobe, I was a bit shocked! Guess what? I'm old! Yaih...! But I also felt a familiarity with it. It seems like I'm already used to it. I looked like I'm in my late thirties. Anyway, I wore a sleeping robe and head downstairs. At the stairs, I saw I giant framed picture of me and someone who supposedly my husband. It was a wedding picture. I looked young, younger than what I see my self now. I looked happy in it. It seems like I was 27 something in that picture. And the guy was the guy at the balcony. Then a thought struck me! Ring! I looked at my fingers. There it is, funny I didn't notice it all this while. I took it out and look for the name who supposedly to be carved inside the ring. There's the name... Beverly love (.....). I like to keep the name private.. :)

Now I know that he was actually my husband. That explains why I felt a very deep love with him. I went quickly downstairs, hoping to see him there. I looked around the living room. Nope, he's not there. I went to the kitchen, not there either. I went out, went to the back, and there he is, sipping his wine looking over the shimmering swimming pool. I looked at his fingers, like I expected, he wore the same ring as I do. I went to him, he won't even looked at me. Ow... that's cold. I just stand there, hoping that he would say something. I need root, I'm blank, how the heck would I say something? He finally make a move. He took a glass, pour some wine in it and hand it to me. With a cold face :P

I took the wine, sat next to him, working something on my mind. I finally make a sound, the first time I hear my own voice. It sounds slightly different. I said, "Have you had your dinner?".

He said, "No."

Spontaneously I said, "Well, lets go out and have some."

He doesn't say anything. Five minutes and no response. I was pissed. I put the wine on the table and head to my room.

I wait for him in the room. I can't sleep. I was really pissed but yet I still wanted to make things right. That's it! That's my mission. To win his heart back. After like supposedly three hours of waiting and fighting with my feelings, he finally came in and lay beside me. Furious, I said in a loud voice, "Should we talk about this?"

He said, "What is it to talk about?"

Suddenly, I felt like I know what was happening. I said in an angry but cool tone, "You still love her do you?"

He said calmly, "I told you what I told you."

"Stop lying to me! You shouldn't come to me after you break up with her that day. I knew it, you was heartbroken aren't you? You just don't want to be alone! You didn't love me! You didn't! I knew it, I was no more than your best friend whom you seek for when you're down aren't I?"

Silence....

I added, "We shouldn't get married..." with a slower voice. I found myself crying. I could feel warm tears flowing from my eyes. Trust me, it does felt real. Too real to be a dream. I was really heartbroken. It really feels like a real experience even to this day.

He want's to say something. "Yes...."

Suddenly everything went black. Damn, I woke up! My phone rings. Someone was calling. It was my mum, calling to remind me to pack up cause I was going back to Sandakan that evening.

Weird... I felt like shit that I didn't get to finish my dream. But yet, I'm glad that it ended. It was a nightmare. Though I didn't get to hear what he was trying to say, but I know, it was something that could tear me into millions of pieces. Though I was really heartbroken, I don't want to lose him.


Weird+creepy+amazing isn't it? Weird because its just weird. LOL. Creepy, cause I'm old+married. Amazing? Well... not everyone got to experience this right? I mean, married? For real? Haha... It really motivated me a lot.

I do get a conclusions to this dream. I mean the meaning behind it. But, I'd rather to keep it personal :)

Can a boy and a girl be just friends?

Many asks, can a boy and a girl be just friends? In my opinions, definitely, NO. Being just bestfriends? That's bullshit. No matter how you pretend, sooner or later, one must fall in love into another. Its just time who will decide how soon you will notice what you actually feel for the person.

Being close with the other sex is like playing with fire. You are daring yourself to love the person. Though at first you think its impossible that you could be in love with the person for in your opinion, he/she is only a nice friend. It could actually turn your life into a real deep shit when you find out that you were in love with the person. Especially when the person already had someone special in their heart while you were there stuck in between your feelings and your friendship. When you came to this, you had to decide, which one to lose? If you choose to confess, you could lose your wonderful friendship while if you choose your friendship, you had to be ready to bleed your heart every single day. Bad isn't it?

Some doesn't believe this. They said, "we've been friends for years and there's nothing came between us." Yeah, I believe you. For some people, its kinda slow for them to notice their feelings. Factors? maybe you saw the person everyday? You never lose contact with him/her and the person seems to be always there for you. But, take that you suddenly didn't see the person for like few weeks or months. The person just suddenly poof! If you are a girl and your bestfriend was a girl, you'll find it'll be much easier to let go. But take that if you are a girl, and your bestfriend was a boy, you'll find that you'll gonna miss him like hell. When this happens, notice that, you are in love.

I'm not saying that having a bestfriend from the opposite sex is a bad thing to do. Yes, I know, for girls they like to have a guy bestfriend because they were understanding, easy going and not emotional. When you need friend to be harsh and rude, a guy is a good place to do it. Its something that you just can't do with a girl bestfriend for they'll remember every single thing and words you said that hurt them. And its something you can't do either with your boyfriend for they'll take it as you're trying to break up with him. Complicated isn't it? Well... that's life.

Still, many like to do some stunts. They say, "we're just friends". But I got plenty of proofs from the experiences of the people around me who once said that they're "just bestfriends" but none seemed to end up as a "BFF(Best Friend Forever)". They end up as a couple, married or enemy. The once upon a time the most wonderful friendship suddenly became the coldest. Even colder than Antarctica that even the inferno can't break the ice. 

Practically, I'm not really sure what we can actually do in order to prevent this. The only way is to pray. Just leave it all to God. He'll know what to do... Amen...

Inspiring...

My Dilemma

"You make me so upset sometimes

I feel like I could lose my mind

The conversation goes nowhere

'Cause you're never gonna take me there

And I know what I know

I know you're no good for me

And I know it's not meant to be

Here's my dilemma 

When half of me wants you

And the other half wants to forget

From the moment I met you

I just can't get you out of my head

I tell myself to run from you

But I found myself attracted to you..

I could live without you

Your smile

Your eyes

I could live without you

But I don't wanna..

When we are together

We can do whatever

Be whoever we like

Spend the weekend 

And I hope you don't mind

If you stay by my side..."

My top 5 favorite remixes!

Time to get a lil deeper into knowing me..^^.. For your information I love techno and electro music a lot! So remixes is a sure thing to hear! Reasons? Well... do I really need reasons for that? Haha.. well it makes me forget all my problems and could instantly boost out my happiness!

Below are lists of my top 5 favorite remixes... Though they are not really my most 'favorite' remixes, I just drop some that cross my mind...^^

Starting with my most favorite song of course... DANZA KUDURO!!!

2nd

3rd

4th

5th

Enjoy! And I'd like to share with you all my favorite remix download site...
http://electrohouse.ucoz.com/