False Hopes

Have you ever been in a situation where you can't do nothing but daydreaming the whole time? You've got a lot to do and things to take care of but you seem can't think! All you want to do is dream... dream away your life and escape from reality. There's just so much you wish you could have and it all seems so real but yet, far away.

I'm sure, everyone have been there. Especially those who are in love. Moreover those who are in love but  their lovers was out of reach. It's a pain to accept the reality so why don't create your own world and dwell in?

But yet, do you know that it is not healthy to daydreaming? Well, I'm not a PhD's nor am I an approved counselor, but just by common sense, I strongly believe that daydreaming isn't good at all. To dream in ambitious term would be another story but creating fantasy? I don't think it would bring any good.

Why?


Well... I talk based on experience and I found that, daydreaming gave me headache because it cause me to think too much. For example, I'm in love with someone and I started to imagine wonderful things when being with the person. It felt all wonderful... Then snap! You realize that it was just dreams. Then, you started to think.... "I wish that was real.... No that's impossible! But what if~". Soon, another thought leads to another thought and then another. Then you started to behaving weirdly especially to that person you've been dreaming of. And that's because you've been thinking too much! You're ashamed of your own thoughts and you can't get away with it! Just a little gesture by that person caused a million things running through your mind. Instead of getting closer with the person, you blew your friendship away.

Do you realize that after daydreaming, it's such a pain when you get to the world and realize that it was all not true? Being a daydreamer for quiet a while, I found that the effect are this,

I think too much, 

I started to hate my life because it felt sucks, 


I blew my friendship with the person, 


and I started to wish! 

I hate to wish! It often cause me to have false hopes!
Do you know what I mean by false hopes? False hopes are things that you wish too bad to come true and believe it is but then it was just a dream. I hate it. It makes me feel desperate and stupid and hopeless which I know I'm not. I'm stronger than that.

That's why, I finally decided to stop. I want to live in reality. In fact its not that bad actually. I wanted to use good sense in life and be logic and rational where I used to be. It's stupid to dream things that are not there. Truth is, nothings gonna happen without a move. If you got no effort other than dreaming, then don't dare to hope or you'll crushed yourself.

I'm not crushed yet. But I realized it fast before it happens. Thanks to God that He blessed me. I found that there's no point in dreaming and hope. Hope only meant something if you hope in God but in worldly things, sorry. No effort and you ain't gonna get anything. Why wastes time? You only got to live once and what had passed can't be taken back. Appreciate each moment you have and live it!

Words of strength

Be unashamed of who you are, 

where you're been, and what you do today.

You are a divine gift to this world.

Wherever you've been, someone else

has also been there. Hold your head up high

and be who you are today.

Self-esteem

Left: Beverly, Joana

Requested by Honoria Via C-Box at the side of this blog. You can request too. Just hit the comment space or the black C-Box on the right hand side of this blog and I'll do my best to fulfill your request.


"Self is described as the latter statement not only describes the self, as the individual identifies himself/herself, but evaluates the self by putting worthiness on it...... Self esteem is both defined as descriptive and evaluative self-related statements..." ---- As it was described by the Wikipedia. The point is, self-esteem is what you see in yourself and how you evaluate yourself with what you see. Since everyone have different way of thinking, it means everyone evaluate themselves differently. It can be either positive or the other way round. It's what you believe about yourself.

Do you know that self-esteem has a big impact on how the person is behaving and performing? Successful people usually have a very high self-esteem. A positive self-esteem may cause certain people to behave confident and very competitive. While those who have a very low self-esteem tend to fail in most of things. This is due to the lack of trust and confidence in oneself. Low self'esteem may be due to factors such as life experience. How people view us and say about us affect a lot of how we may evaluate ourselves.

It can be illustrated like this, Kyra looked into the mirror as her mind wanders.."Gee... I'm so skinny! I'm gonna look funny with shorts and spaghetti. I can never be like Sasha... She's so pretty and perfect! And me? Everyone hates me. No boys gonna want me..."


While Sasha was also looking into the mirror and thought... "Oh my... Look at those hips. I looked like a big mama! Hmm... Kyra was lucky to have that model like body. But its okay... at least I still can fit in those jeans.. I'm not that fat anyway."


Sasha may be a bit jealous of Kyra but she has a positive input into her thought. She's confident and accept herself. Instead of looking at her flaw, she looked for what's positive in her and strive for it to bring out the best in her.

And for Kyra, she has a negative remarks on herself.This cause her to didn't socialize much and refused to be in any competition while Sasha, she wants to be in every competition to prove that she is something and that there's more to her than her little flaw.

What people say about us affect most of our self esteem. But, instead of saying.."He/she's right..." say, "Oh really? I'll prove to you that its not true." Sometimes, it is kinda hard to take. Especially when they are talking about our appearance. But you can always make it right or if it can't be fixed, accept it. Nobody's perfect anyway so why bother to be one? You're only adding a pain to yourself and resist yourself from enjoying life.

Here's a few of my technique (which you can use if you want) to overcome bad remarks that people hit me...

1st.... I'll listen to them carefully. Ask them what makes them think so and try to fix it. Though its hurting, just listen and accept.!

2nd... I'll laugh with them and just add their jokes and be a little sarcastic to tell them that you know and you hate them talking about it. For example, they said.."Bev...you're so skinny! Like a skewer!! I bet the next time the wind blows, you're gonna soar with the wind.. hahaahah!" ~Ouch... It's a joke and don't kill the joy. Instead of giving them a sour face, I'll just say, "hahahahah! I know! And, I don't need you to tell me that again.LOL!"

3rd... When they give me a downer remarks like for example, they said, "You are so stupid! You don't belong in here!" or..."Okay, your voice sucks. I don't think you can sing Bev." ~Ouchhh. But don't fight back! Just keep quiet but say this in your heart..."Okay... I may be not good right now, but you'll see. I'll make you suck back those words." But don't forget to make sure you made what you says come true.

Before I end this, I'd like to share one of my favorite quotes by Paris Hilton, "What people saw in you is 80% what you saw in yourself". Therefore, value yourself. Instead of saying..."I'm worthless and bla... bla..." say, "I'm AMAZING!" and hold on to those words.



Any additional facts or opinions?..Just proudly hit the comment space. No one's gonna bite. :)


For more Information.... Go to Teens health.

Left: Joana, Beverly

Hitch - Noun or a Verb?

This Saturday, it was me, pop corns and Will Smith. Okay, not really really Will Smith but Hitch, his block buster from more than half a decade ago.

About the movie (from WiKi):

Hitch is a 2005 romantic comedy film directed by Andy Tennant and starring Will Smith. The film, which was written by Kevin Bisch, co-stars Eva Mendes, Kevin James, and Amber Valletta.

Synopsis:

While helping his latest client woo the fine lady of his dreams, a professional "date doctor" finds that his game doesn't quite work on the gossip columnist with whom he's smitten.

Well, so here are some of my favorite dialogues from the romance-comedy flick, called "Hitch":

Read more »

Changing and the idea of LOVE

Hello people! How was life lately? Ohh... gosh... how I miss sharing my thought with you all. I abandoned my blog mainly because, well... same thing same excuses, busy. The second reason is that, lately I think my brain froze like an ice that is under -100 degree Celsius if you can imagine how solid that is.

Again, when I'm here, there's got to be something going on that's making me wanna share what's on my mind. Lately, I just can't think of anything. Well, I can think, but I just can't make out of it. There's so much going on and it took like forever to sort everything's out. Truthfully, my life this year had unexpectedly turned out to be, should I say, awesome? Yeahh... I tried so many new things and I'm breaking all my rules! Well, 16 people, I just don't know what's got into me.

Anyway, overall, everything is incredible except for one thing. True, just because one single drop of an ink, a whole jar of milk screwed. But yet, I am happy and very contented with my current life. It's fun opening all these doors that leads me to another side of life that I never think of to go. But yet, I made a mistake. I forgot, that once, I have opened one of these doors but closed it back. Locked it and promised that I'll never ever gonna opened it until I'm off for real thing. And it is a door that had a label, "IN RELATIONSHIP".

For the record, I broke a heart once. And now, I'm stupidly letting the history to repeat itself. I'm so stupid. I know I'm not ready, but I accept him. It's not that I don't love the guy, but I'm just not serious to commit in this relationship. And its making me feel bad every time.

I don't know what I'm doing. Honestly, I don't know me anymore. With breaking all my rules (though I enjoyed it), I forgot what a girl I used to be. I forgot 'Who I Am' anymore. I'm drowned with all these joy. I've forgotten that no matter what, I'm still gonna be me. That girl who take life as a serious matter and not just a roller coaster ride. A girl with a big dream and goal to achieve in her life. I tried to be a lousy girl that says "WHATEVER" to problems, but yet, I realized, I can't change that PRACTICAL personality that I possessed. I'm too aware to act stupid or be stupid. I tried to, because it does looked fun (well... teenager minds), but NO! I can't change anything about me without feeling bad doing it. I can't remove that ambitious, ego, "FIRST THINGS FIRST" and "PERFECTION's PRIORITY" kind of girl out of me. A girl that cares about one's feelings like a  fragile glass. And looked after everything and make sure that everything is going on perfectly as she wished. A girl that has her own stance and do things on her own way and make it awesome.

Without realizing it, I'm corroding my self to get something that doesn't mean anything for my age. And that is what's been popularly called puppy love or young love. Whatever it is, the idea used to be stupid in my point of view. And it still does until now. I mean, at this age? What use is it to commit into a relationship with someone where you are still blurred whether you wanna marry the person or not. Or worse! You don't want to. Just looking for experiences. Just so that, you are not single. Duhh... again, its such a stupid idea. That's the problem with the people nowadays. They have a whole stupid idea about love. I guess they forgot, that God labelled LOVE as something Holy. And when it does, it means, you can't play with it unless you really want something out from it. You don't make love as something to be used so that you own the person or to protect your reputation or as an experiment substance. If you really like the person, or think that you love the person, you don't have to be in a relationship to save that feelings. Just enjoyed it and don't get hooked. By this, you can also save yourself from misusing the Holy gift of God and that is LOVE.

Anyway, what happened to me now, its all because of love. I'm one of those people who can't divide their emotions with life. I've been strong for too long but last year, all my walls are falling apart when I fell in love with this one guy. Which is, a mistake that I can't avoid. I don't know what voodoo potion he drank (Just kidding) until I became so weak that starting from that moments, I let love emotions to dominate my life. I tried to get over it so hard and because of that, I started to try new things. I became more social. Its seems like I'm trying to prove something to someone but I don't know what it is and to whom. I became very stupid and I let my self to be. Then, from that, it leads to another story, then to another, then another and finally, the end product is, here I am, LIKE CRAP. I felt so low. I used to be proud and value my self so much but now? I felt like nothing but a crap. Maybe I should just said to my self, "Ahh... whatever. Relax girl..". Well, I've said that a lot and see what I am now. Maybe, that kind of what they said, 'COMFORTING' words, may work for a lot of people, but that's just not the way my life worked.

And now, all I can say is that, I'm determined to make things right. Well, I can't live knowing that something in my life isn't working perfectly. Well, call me, Ms. Perfect or Ms. Fussy, 'cause, that's just me. The good thing is, I know now, what I want and most importantly, what I am. Maybe, all of this, is just part of the journey, the quest of finding my identity.

Inspirational words

Pace yourself.

Life should not be like a marathon

That we rush to finish.

It is a journey, a pilgrimage of sorts

and the finish line will never be reached.

Consider life to be more like a relay race.

As we pass through on this life and on to the next

it is like passing a baton or torch to the next generation.

We will then go to our final rest knowing

that we participated grandly and that

our contribution to the world

was worthy.

Thank You (Cover~Dedication For My Special One)

I know I'm not that talented to show off to the world, but I have shown a lot of pictures, and crappy videos of me. But I forgot, to give glory back to HIM who had created me the way I am. I might be not that much, but at least, I'm capable of a lot of things. Thanks to HIM. My success and what I have, I wouldn't have it all if it weren't because of Him. Truthfully, I am nothing without JESUS. I am empty and useless and hopeless without HIM. He saved me in many ways and give me a lot more than I needed. I ask for one, He give me ten. His help always come just in time. I couldn't count of how many miracles He had done for me. He died for me on the cross. But He was risen on the third day because He was the Messiah. I know and I believed that He is the true and living God. I'm not saying this simply by lips, but by truth and I've been through many unexplained experiences with Him. Step by step, He guide me and thought me. He raised me up when I'm down, and He never failed me. So, with all my heart, I sing to HIM...

"There is no one like YOU

There is no ONE like YOU God

All my hope is in YOU

Jesus.. Jesus.."

-Have a Blessed Good Friday-

Words of strength

Hope will turn the cold into warmth

Your weakness into strength

And your sadness into joy

Why we must take care of our health

Greetings planet! I didn't use good day for it was a bad day for me. I didn't go to school today because my health is getting worse. And when I say worse it means real worse! worse like I would throw up with only just one cough! I really don't want to miss school because today's subject were all very important ones and real hard too. I don't wanna be left-out!

Anyway, back to the topic. First, let me tell you what push me to post this. I'm one of those kind of people who didn't put health as their priority in lives. I'm a workaholic. When it gets to work, the only thing that's on my mind is that, "Oh.. I have to finish this!". It doesn't matter what time I have my meal and sleep. But not a full time actually. I'm a kind of lazy person too. I'm More like the kind who just don't like to sit tight or lay all day unless I got no other options. If can, in every second of my life, I want to do something. May it be, hanging out, watching movies, talking, anything as long I'm not doing nothing.

The good thing about me is that, you can bring me to enjoy any kinds of activities. May it be outdoor activities(rough one) or indoor activities. The bad thing is, I will do it all without really considering my body stats. For example, you bring me to hike somewhere and I feel very tired for I just got home, yet, I would still follow you. Or maybe I was sick, I don't care cause my motto is, 'As long as I can stand, lets rock it!'. The only thing that matters is my will. When I want it to be that way, I'll work it to the limit to be the way I want it to be. When I say that I will finish all my homework within one day! Wooh... we got so many homework I tell you. Soooo many!!!! Too many that it would take more than 8 hours for one day homework to finish. So when you decided to finish it all, sometimes you will not sleep until the next morning and start off for school. Without sleep! Let me tell you my routine, usually, during school days, first thing I do is, I go to school. Then after school, often I got another activities, appointments, practice, or meeting. I would be home late nearly everyday. Then, I would always have something to do at home. After that, I'll start doing my homework until 3 a.m or more and sleep for like 2 hours or less. And the cycle goes on and on. I'm not complaining. I don't care cause I enjoy it all. But the thing is, my meal is not in order and my sleep cycle is abnormal. Though it's not a trouble for me to sleep for 3 to 2 hours everyday because I'm used to it I think but everyone can tell without a book that it's not healthy at all! And I'm sure that most of teenagers life nowadays are like this. Moreover the adults! Right?

At first, its okay to me and it never really even matters because my thought is, 'If I got sick, there's always the Hospital..:)'. The last hope. Not until today when I started to realize of how important it really is to take care of our body. My sickness start off with sneezing non stop and it happened last week. Soon, flu came in followed by fever. A weird one because the fever come and go. And this what makes it worse, when a flu hit, asthma would eventually follow up. Yet, through all this sicknesses, I still do all my routines as usual. Finally, last Saturday, I decided to go to a local Clinic because that morning, my mucus got blood. Plus, it's hard for me to breath! Well, here comes the asthma!!! (=.=") Anyway, usually, after drinking their medicine, I would started to get well but this time, it doesn't. At first, I think that maybe the medicine works slowly this time. I would be okay after I go to sleep. But apparently, I was wrong! On Sunday, I decided to be a cow, the most laziest person in the planet. It was under many people's advice's. They say that I need a lot of rest. This time, I decided to listen to their advice's. Fine, I'll sleep all day! But yesterday evening, when I woke up at 5.30 p.m I feel so breathless! My chest felt so tight! I lay down, trying to control my breath. Trying hard to relax. Soon, I felt choked up! My vision was starting to went black. I swear I'm dead by now if don't decide to do something. I don't know why my spirit felt so weak that time. Not the usual me. I think that I just wanna give in. I'd die.... suddenly! And luckily, my phone rang. It was a text message. Then my spirit started to raise. I remember all my beloved friends and families, I remember all that I'm yet to achieved. I gather all my strength and grabbed my cellphone and reply the text. I get up, drink some milo with bread and read an article that a dear friend of mine slipped under the door. But yet, I can't breath properly! Even as I read, my vision would sometimes went black. After I read it all, I lay back on my bed. Closing my eyes... I'm choked... I didn't breath... I think I'd die... Things started to went black... But I decided that I'm gonna do something! I get up, and decided to go to the Hospital, for good. I hate Hospital. I'm glad it's there but I don't like it. To me, Hospital is when you are going to die. When I arrived, I go straight to the emergency section and they quickly put up the oxygen on me. Great.... Now I do looked like I'm gonna die! After that, the Doctor checked me, weird.. no effect. Then he decided to put me to the oxygen again. 2nd round and no effect! Then, he inject something into my nerves and waited for 30 minutes then put me with the oxygen again and still, no effect at all ! That's how worse I was. Then the Doctor decided to run me into some tests and a nurse x-ray'ed me. Mysteriously, my lungs were all fine except for my backbones. Well, I don't wanna talk about it. My backbones are fine, but there's just something.

Anyway, why we must take of our health?


Well... firstly because we got only one body!
Unlike machine, once its broken down, we can still fix it. But our body? Once its broken down, then you're screwed for life!

Secondly, it affect the people around us...
Have you ever wondered of how much people around you loved you? Well... you might not realized it but its true! Especially your family. More over, when you got sick, it will burdened your family, physically, emotionally, and of course, financially. Just one you, could affect hundreds of people, can you believe that? You might don't care about yourself, like me. I'm not really scared to die so I guess that's why I don't really care about my health. But last night, I was touched by some of my friends and family members. How they are willing to come to the Hospital to see me no matter how far. How they are willing to not to sleep to take care of me. Some were dead worried. I don't know whether they are really worried and care or just acting worried and caring..:P But for sure, I'm sure they're sincere. 'Cause well, I don't have anything to give them other than my love. That's why, no matter how dying I feel, as long as I can smile and laugh, I'd do it for them. I felt real guilty when people are worried about me. Sometimes I'd say, "Why are you so worried? I'm not gonna die! LOL!" and then people would start slapping my mouth. last night, the Doctors said, "Please leave your phone, you'll need to rest." I said, "NO, I can't. I have to tell them that I'm fine. By the way, I am fine." and smiled. The Doctor said, "And you still can smile? Aren't you worried? Don't you see how worse you are right now?". I said, "Well, let my physical be sick, but not my soul. After all, I still can stand aren't I? And that means I'm still not gonna die tonight. So I don't want anyone to did not sleep tonight and fuse over me. Anyway, I trust in you Doctor." and smiled.

But aren't you feel bad when 10 people can't sleep just because of 1 you? Especially to parents out there! No matter how hard you worked for the family, please look after your health. Money would lose, yes, but they can be regained. But you? Once they lose you, then there can never be you again.

Word of strength

Sometimes, life takes you on a detour.

Use these times to see things you would have missed

had you remained on your planned route.

You may find it to be among the best

parts of your journey.

Sincerely.....

"If the hero never comes to you

If you need someone you're feeling blue

If you're away from love and you're alone

If you call your friends and nobody's home

You can run away but you can't hide

Through a storm and a lonely night

Then I show there's a destiny

The best things in life

They're free...

But if you wanna cry

Cry on my shoulder

If you need someone who cares for you

If you're feeling sad your heart gets colder

I'll show you what real love can do

If your sky is grey..

Let me know...

There's a place in heaven where we'll go

If heaven is a million years away

Just call me and I make your day

When the nights are getting cold and blue

When the days are getting hard for you

I will always stay here by your side

I promise you I'll never hide..."

Texting versus calling

Recently, I've been wondering of which one is better? Texting or calling? I never thought of it much before until I met a friend who really have trouble talking on the phone especially to girls. There's my friend, he'd been asking my number once. The first weird thing that I noticed is that, after he asked for my number he didn't call afterwards. What he do? He texted a month after he asked for my number. LOL. Usually, after we asked for a number, we would call to confirm whether we've been given the right number or not right?

Soon after that, we've been living a friendship through text messages for like the whole time. It's a another weird thing for me because I never had a textmate before who never even once tried to call me after such a long friendship through text messages. Texting is good, I like it, but for once in a while, a call sometimes is needed even for just 5 minutes in once a month. Why? To confirm that we are talking to human. LOL. A girl or a boy, everyone I had heard their voice except for this one friend. I've been waiting for his call, sometimes, I feel like calling but of course, its not appropriate for a girl to call a guy. It could be misinterpreted as something else. Anyway, after a while, I find it was comfortable talking to him about anything through text messages. I feel like he was my bestfriend until one day, when we decided to hangout, I hear his voice for the first time(over the phone). I was surprised of what a stranger he was! The tone of his voice was so far from what I thought it was supposed to be! And to tell the truth, it kinda scared me. Not soon after that, I finally asked him of why he never called? Just then I know that he don't like calling. He have trouble talking over the phone because he fear that he don't know what to say. When he told me this, I was like, "okayy..." and looked over the ceiling. LOL. Is there such things? To me that time, if you have a voice and you can speak, then why should it be such a trouble to talk over the phone? After all, its just talking. So I made a survey over my friends and made some researches and yes, there are such things. 

I always encouraged him to call his girlfriend if he really wish to reduce the awkwardness between the two of them. Living a relationship through text messages is sweet, yes, but if you live your life receiving text, then reply and so on the whole day everyday, then it's almost the same with dating a machine. You are dating the cellphone not the human. You need to hear the person's voice and if can, meet and hangout to remind you that you are with a human being not some generated robot who is emotionless. Take this illustration, reading a novel versus watching movies, which is more alive? When you read a novel, it is not really straight forward because the messages isn't really vivid though it explained everything(literally) because every person have a vary imagination. Unlike movies, everything is really vivid. The situation+sound+emotion all in one clear message.

My opinion is that, texting is important to make the relationship going while calling is important to make the relationship alive. Both needed to be balanced.

Anyway, in this post, I'd like to include 7 reasons of why text messages is better than phone call... 

1) Because you can actually think about what you’re going to say.
Hand me a telephone, and I will say something stupid into it. Hand me a telephone with someone I like on the other end, and I will say something really stupid.

With a text, you can plan, and yes, even revise.

2) Because phone calls can be painfully awkward.
Even if you have perfect elocution, a great speaking voice, and fantastic oratorical skills, factors such as poor cell-phone reception or other interruptions (another call, an ambulance driving by, a barking dog) can lead to uncomfortable interruptions. There’s nothing worse than speaking to someone on the phone for the first time and having to continually say “Wait–what? Sorry, can you hear me? Wait, hold on, walking by construction site…” over and over.

3) Because a good text message will say a lot about a person.
A perfect text message requires wit, brevity, and flirtation. A good texter is smart, sharp, and good with words. Additionally, someone who uses unnecessary text abbreviations, or, god help him, emoticons is immediately ruled out as a potential love interest.

4) Because texting can be great foreplay. 
It’s a prolonged flirtation that can span the course of the week or day leading up to a date.

5) Because there is nothing sexy about a perfunctory “let’s set up a date” call.

Sure, a phone call is “to the point”, and on a purely utilitarian level more efficient than texting when it comes to making plans. But are you really looking for “efficiency” in your dating life? You call to quickly make an appointment with your dentist, not with your date.

6) Because a text lets you write what you’re too shy to say.

Sometimes, especially during the early stages of dating, it can be hard to straight out say the things you’re feeling, especially if you’re unsure of how it will be reciprocated. A “You looked beautiful last night” or “I had an amazing time with you” the next morning is a safe (and always appreciated!) way of doing this.

7) Because a text is forever.
I usually don’t swoon at phone calls, but if I get an excellently crafted text, I will save that thing forever, and pull it up and read it again and again.

Even so, I still think that phone call is still needed. That's my opinions. What's yours?

 *copied from the date report

Anyway, I wish you all...

In advance.... cheers! :)

I'm lost... I think

Ohh... how I miss blogging! My life these days are so packed that it doesn't allows me to have a lil time even just for sleep! Huh!

I felt a lot like the illustration. Like something lost in the middle of the desert of Sahara because it wanted to. I wanted to look for a way but are too scared to get back on the path. I wasn't scared of the obstacles, but actually I fear that I can't tolerate with the people on my way. So, instead of wondering around looking for a way, I sat on a stone waiting for I don't know what. Of course, being in the desert wasn't easy. The heat... and of course it doesn't felt right to be lost especially when you know it. So now, basically I don't know what I'm thinking, what I'm doing, and what's going on! I can't define what status I'm currently in! Am I mad? Am I sad? Am I happy? or what??? When I tried to think deeply about what's actually inside of me, I found that I seem to be mad, sad, scared but somehow happy. Its a weird mixture! Am I in love? Well... maybe I'm missing someone that I couldn't reach. Its so sad to think back all the mistakes that I made. There's too much of them.

Yes, I have to be strong. Wherever I go, seeking for advice's, one would say, "Be strong girl, no ones perfect. Everyone had made mistakes. That's what makes human.". If that's what makes human, I don't know what to think. Because I know, I'm one of those people who always longed for perfection and couldn't live a day without correcting the mistakes.

What kind of mistakes? Well, it is for me to keep. Some people know it, some don't. They were scattered unto different people like pieces of puzzles. Though its been bad and rough, God is good. He still give me joy through a lot of sources. He give me strength and guidance and He never left me even just for a second!

I can, and I'm sure I know how to make things right. But yet, there's a lot of sacrifices to be made. Am I ready? I'm not sure. I am ready when I get up from that stone and start looking for a way.

The Four#3: Beverly

Click.... click.... 


Hmm... what a boring night... "....and every night was the worst night ever..." said the Simple Plan. I arranged my headset, its been hours I sit in front of my lap top doing useless crap.

I look at my bookmarks. I click,  blogger dashboard... stats... overview.... Impressive... I thought. I click the new post button.

5 minutes passed and I found my self still staring at the monitor. Blank. Hmm.... what topic?


My eyes eyeing the tabs... facebook... facebook? Duh... what a boring place. But I found my self clicking the tab. Notifications, 7... online chats, 81. I click the notifications, Jessie also commented on Lily's... Andy like you photo... Jenny poked you... and the others were game requests. I click the online chats friends. No one was online on the special friends list. Duh.... what should I do next?

I found my self scrolling down dozens lists of unknowns. They've been my friends in here for so long but none of them I really know. What a waste... I thought to myself.

Andy...
Emmet...
Genevi...
....
....
....


None of them were really my friends.

Jason...
Jazzezie...
Kem Siput...
Kent...


Hmm.... Kent? Sounds familiar. Where did I hear that name? Something random? No, not really... It comes from something kinda important.. What? From who did I heard that name? Think Bev... Think!

I look at his picture, its a picture of cat playing an electric guitar. Soon, I'm already at his profile. Digging deeper... I look at the pictures. Eyeing the peoples.. unknown... I thought. I look at his statuses, reading the comments. Some comments were from the unknowns but some were my classmates. They seem to be pretty close with the guy. Somehow.... I don't know who he is!

I lay my back. Resting... with a frown. Where did I hear his name? I look at his picture, trying to recall on what occasion could I've met this guy. Who could have been there. Hmm...

Suddenly, a flash came to my mind. The clearest in my memory was Varrelene. We were all laughing. We're teasing someone. I remember Varrelene saying, "Oops, lets not tease her, we might get killed by daddy Kent.. hahaha!!". We were all so happy.


Okay, I'm almost there... Think harder... who are we teasing?

Then, another flash, a notebook. I found the notebook inside someone's drawer. I opened it and saw a family chart. And bang! There it is, Kent was in the chart and his partner was Clare! When Clare saw me, she quickly grabbed the notebook. But she was late. I get to read everything she writes on every corner. I started teasing her and Varrelene saw what was happening. I told Varrelene that Clare got secret inside the notebook she's holding and we both started to chase her. I told Varrelene what I read anyway and we all started to joke around happily. Clare wasn't really offended, just blushed. Days after that, we tried to make Clare to admit that she loves the guy and finally she did. But that was two years ago.

I smiled... Hah... good times..


I click his name on the list and type, "Hi...".

He replied, "Hey there... :)"

"wassup?"

We chat for minutes and I finally said.

"Do you happen to know Clare?"


"Yeah... I know the girl. Why?"


I went on telling him what happened two years ago. He seemed cool. Who cares anyway? that was two years ago... I thought.

I checked the online lists again. Clare!


I quickly clicked her name.

"Hey, I just chatted with Kent and I mention you!"


I waited.... No response... I add again.

"Hello???? Anybody there?"


Still.. No response.

"Geez... where r u?", "Testing.....", "1", "2", "3...."


I look at her signal. Still green. Hmm... what's wrong with her? Is she mad??.. Finally, I said

"Okay, you're not there so we talked about this tomorrow K..." , "Goodnight and have a beautiful nightmare!".


I 'X' Clare's chatbox and click the lists again. Sherlyn was online. Its such a boring night. Hmm... arh... just share lah about Vin Diesel to her. I greet her and share a link to Vin's page. Though she doesn't seem to care but so what? It's not a pain trying to share anyway wasn't it? 5 minutes after that I go offline.

Sleep time....

*********************************

Shit... where the heck is the bus?


Though its still 6.15 am, I'm already worried. At this hour, most buses would be full and I hate it. As I wait, my minds rear...

What's wrong with Clare last night? She never act that way to me before. Was she mad? Why? What did I do? I tried to recall my conversation with Kent last night. It was nothing so why the heck would someone get mad about it? Did I intrude her privacy? But that was two years ago! LOL.. She's crazy if she does. And Sherlyn? She didn't reply me either. Shit, was everyone was having a bad day? Hey, I'm having a bad day either and didn't ignore anybody. What's wrong with them? I remembered the text message I received last night. It was an unknown number. I almost breakdown when I read them but I managed to control myself. It says---

'Tititt!! titiitt!!!"

My thought end there. Here comes the bus....




********************************


Who the heck leave rubbish on my table! Ughh!


"Hi Bev...." I look up, Sally was there.

"Morning Sal.." and I smiled.

Then Sherlyn came. "Hey Bev... I'm late."

"Yeah, I can see that.. why?"

She went on explaining what happened. I saw Clare, she's late too.

"Kringggg!!" The bell rings.

Clare give a sly smile when I smiled to her. Hmm... that's cold.. She went out immediately after she drop her bag on her seat. I waited for Sherlyn and we went to the hall together.

As we walked, I asked her about the link I gave her last night and went on telling story about Vin. Obviously, she really wasn't interested. Clare was walking in front of me, I really need to talk to her. Now!

I run towards her. I put my arms on her shoulder and give her a warm greetings.

"Happy Monday Clare.. Where were you last night?"

"Oh yes, I'm sorry that I didn't get to reply you last night. I was sneaking cause I want to send a message to Leela." She said.

"Oh really? What message?"

"Just a message." She smiled to me.

"Okay... private I see. Hey, are you mad at me?"

"Huh? about what?"

"Last night......


To be continued........


Previously...
The Four#1: Clare's point of view
The Four#2: Sherlyn's point of view

This story was a total made up so don't freak out okay :)

Can a boy and a girl be just friends?

Many asks, can a boy and a girl be just friends? In my opinions, definitely, NO. Being just bestfriends? That's bullshit. No matter how you pretend, sooner or later, one must fall in love into another. Its just time who will decide how soon you will notice what you actually feel for the person.

Being close with the other sex is like playing with fire. You are daring yourself to love the person. Though at first you think its impossible that you could be in love with the person for in your opinion, he/she is only a nice friend. It could actually turn your life into a real deep shit when you find out that you were in love with the person. Especially when the person already had someone special in their heart while you were there stuck in between your feelings and your friendship. When you came to this, you had to decide, which one to lose? If you choose to confess, you could lose your wonderful friendship while if you choose your friendship, you had to be ready to bleed your heart every single day. Bad isn't it?

Some doesn't believe this. They said, "we've been friends for years and there's nothing came between us." Yeah, I believe you. For some people, its kinda slow for them to notice their feelings. Factors? maybe you saw the person everyday? You never lose contact with him/her and the person seems to be always there for you. But, take that you suddenly didn't see the person for like few weeks or months. The person just suddenly poof! If you are a girl and your bestfriend was a girl, you'll find it'll be much easier to let go. But take that if you are a girl, and your bestfriend was a boy, you'll find that you'll gonna miss him like hell. When this happens, notice that, you are in love.

I'm not saying that having a bestfriend from the opposite sex is a bad thing to do. Yes, I know, for girls they like to have a guy bestfriend because they were understanding, easy going and not emotional. When you need friend to be harsh and rude, a guy is a good place to do it. Its something that you just can't do with a girl bestfriend for they'll remember every single thing and words you said that hurt them. And its something you can't do either with your boyfriend for they'll take it as you're trying to break up with him. Complicated isn't it? Well... that's life.

Still, many like to do some stunts. They say, "we're just friends". But I got plenty of proofs from the experiences of the people around me who once said that they're "just bestfriends" but none seemed to end up as a "BFF(Best Friend Forever)". They end up as a couple, married or enemy. The once upon a time the most wonderful friendship suddenly became the coldest. Even colder than Antarctica that even the inferno can't break the ice. 

Practically, I'm not really sure what we can actually do in order to prevent this. The only way is to pray. Just leave it all to God. He'll know what to do... Amen...

Inspiring...

Find strength in your hectic life

Hey there! It's been busy these days... Just as the school reopened, tons of work came rushing in! Fuhh... But I'm not complaining. Instead, I'm quiet happy with it!

See that face? Yep... That's what I wear everyday. Trying to smile even though there were so much unexplained pain and thoughts+all the works, but yet, I'm so happy with this life. Knowing that there's still people who will support me and will be there whenever  I need them. I just need to ask! Well.. that's my problem. Sometimes, I tend to do things on my own as though there's no one to turned to where actually everyone was there for me! Sometimes, it makes me think,"Oh God... what am I trying to prove? That I can do everything on my own?" where the truth is, you can't do it all on your own! That's why God created Eve in the first place, because He don't want Adam to be alone. He knows, that its not good to be alone. Same goes to us! God doesn't like us to be alone. So, lets make use of every blessings that had been given to us! Don't waste anything even if its just one tiny bit because everything that had been given to us was given for a reason and they are really useful... believe me.

By the way, I'd like it more to be busy than bored. When you are busy, you learn so much thing and most of it you learn all at once. Whereas during boring days, where all you do is sit around imagining.. Grr... I could get a migraine because of that. It makes me feel like I could commit suicide in any second..LOL. I'm a think-too-much kind of person. That's why, my mood could easily changed and I could easily get depressed. Usually, my kind of people always wants a vivid vision for everything. That's why, it seems like all the times we always wants answers for everything. Not only that, it need to be very clear too. If not, we couldn't sleep thinking about it the whole night!

Anyway, since its a new year... I know everyone is busy. Some get stressed already... My advice is, no matter how hectic your life is, squeeze some moments with God. Pray.... ask and you will receive.. That's His promise...:)

Words of strength

Do you ever find yourself lonely? In the need of a friend to

talk to and no one can be found? There's One who's

been waiting to hear from you... Jesus.

My Dilemma

"You make me so upset sometimes

I feel like I could lose my mind

The conversation goes nowhere

'Cause you're never gonna take me there

And I know what I know

I know you're no good for me

And I know it's not meant to be

Here's my dilemma 

When half of me wants you

And the other half wants to forget

From the moment I met you

I just can't get you out of my head

I tell myself to run from you

But I found myself attracted to you..

I could live without you

Your smile

Your eyes

I could live without you

But I don't wanna..

When we are together

We can do whatever

Be whoever we like

Spend the weekend 

And I hope you don't mind

If you stay by my side..."